How to Support a Loved One Through Trauma: 10 Compassionate, Practical Steps
Supporting yourself after going through trauma is one thing, but what about supporting a loved one who has gone through trauma? This can be a particularly difficult thing to do if your loved one has gone through something you yourself have never experienced, and thus might not truly understand. Putting yourself in their shoes can be hard, especially because we are all different and process things differently. However, it is no secret that a strong support system is crucial for healing, growing, and moving on - here, we will discuss 10 practical, efficient ways to gently support your loved one who has gone through trauma without coming off as overbearing and intense.
How to Be Supportive Without Overstepping: 10 Trauma-Informed Tips
Be a good listener.
This is perhaps the most important thing you can do for your loved one. It's vital that your loved one knows they have people who are there to listen, even if you don’t have advice or answers to give them. You can do this by practicing patience, accepting their feelings, avoiding dismissing their experiences, allowing them to express themselves however they need to, and only giving advice if you’re explicitly asked to do so.
2. Manage your expectations.
Everyone is unique in how they experience, process, and manage trauma. Understanding this can help you support your loved one better. Try not to judge them for the feelings, behaviours, and emotions your loved one experiences after going through trauma.
3. Understanding that people experience effects at different times.
This goes back to the above point - everyone is affected by trauma differently, and sometimes at different paces. For some of us, trauma might not impact us until months or years after the fact. There may be times when we are willing to talk about it, and other times where we’re not. This is normal, and we should not be holding expectations for a timeline as to when someone should be feeling ‘better’.
4. Boundaries.
Your loved one might not even want to talk about their trauma with you at all, even if you’re close. Try not to take this personally and respect any boundaries they set. Additionally, you can help them set those boundaries; if they’re a people pleaser who has trouble saying no, remind them that it is perfectly okay to put themselves first and say no to things they don’t want to do, especially during an emotionally vulnerable time, such as the aftermath of a traumatic event.
5. Help them find support.
If your loved one has been experiencing a prolonged stress reaction to trauma, encourage them to seek professional help. If they can’t afford it, help guide them towards mental health resources that are available for free or low-cost in an area near you. You can find some Canada-based resources in Ontario and the GTA on our website for a variety of different topics and struggles.
6. Be careful about triggering them, or replicating prior trauma.
If you know about the type of trauma your loved one experienced, try to avoid saying or doing things that might trigger unwanted thoughts or feelings in your loved one, especially if the trauma is new. This might be difficult to do at first, but being mindful during your interactions with them can make all the difference.
7. Encourage them to spend time with trusted friends, relatives, or doing fun activities.
Your loved one might not always want to engage in fun, enjoyable activities to get their minds off of their trauma. They might also socially withdraw if they’re having a particularly hard time processing what they went through. However, encouraging them to do this (but not pressuring them) can do wonders for their mental well-being. It would benefit you as well, as it would act as bonding time for you and your loved one.
8. Check up on them regularly.
It is easy for us to turn to maladaptive coping styles after going through something traumatic. While it might not be too harmful in the short-term, preventing a maladaptive coping style from becoming an unhealthy habit is very important, as this can just worsen the emotional toll of the trauma on a person and delay healing.
9. Stay optimistic.
Being optimistic about their journey can be extremely helpful and beneficial. Having a hopeful, positive outlook on your loved one’s path to healing can be felt by them, and have a positive effect on their mindstate and trajectory.
10. Take care of yourself.
While this guide is intended to help you learn about the ways you can support a loved one after/through trauma, it’s crucial to remember that your own mental health matters too. It’s harder to support others when we aren’t doing so well ourselves. You can even use and integrate some of these strategies for yourself too, if needed. Try not to feel guilty if you can’t show up for your loved one as much as you would like to - we are all figuring out our ways in life and trying to look after ourselves, but looking out for each other is just as important too.
If Supporting Your Loved One Still Feels Hard, You’re Not Alone
Supporting a loved one through trauma is meaningful—but it can also feel overwhelming when you’re trying to navigate it alone. If you or someone close to you needs guidance, our trauma-informed therapists are here to help. Unapologetically You Counselling offers a compassionate space for healing, connection, and emotional safety.
Resources
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events
"Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services" (Treatment Improvement Protocol TIP Series 57) by SAMHSA